Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
