i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
