my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't deserve a penis
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
