I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
