I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
