I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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