Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself

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  (612): I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself http://tfl.nu/0tce
  Replies (6) Good night (688) Bad night (2824)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering

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  (713): PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering http://tfl.nu/lhmy
  Replies (39) Good night (763) Bad night (3462)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"

  (1-936): View more from Texas

  I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...

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  (936): you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while" (1-936): I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day... http://tfl.nu/1f15
  Replies (19) Good night (10159) Bad night (955)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.

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  (570): i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness. http://tfl.nu/5sus
  Replies (9) Good night (1078) Bad night (2454)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...

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  (205): he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off... http://tfl.nu/kran
  Replies (6) Good night (3538) Bad night (817)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez

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  (847): worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez http://tfl.nu/63fb
  Replies (11) Good night (1023) Bad night (2785)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.

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  (517): Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning. http://tfl.nu/hea7
  Replies (8) Good night (3268) Bad night (847)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.

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  (403): Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon. http://tfl.nu/v8j0
  Replies (2) Good night (2140) Bad night (1104)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.

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  (513): So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks. http://tfl.nu/ufdq
  Replies (19) Good night (2393) Bad night (1028)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?

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  (423): There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night? http://tfl.nu/kr4w
  Replies (2) Good night (647) Bad night (1230)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.

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  (720): Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong. http://tfl.nu/slbv
  Replies (12) Good night (1096) Bad night (690)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.

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  (919): We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible. http://tfl.nu/ny7k
  Replies (0) Good night (804) Bad night (413)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.

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  (847): Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra. http://tfl.nu/ud2y
  Replies (8) Good night (1215) Bad night (407)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED

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  (586): I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED http://tfl.nu/w9fp
  Replies (10) Good night (905) Bad night (473)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump

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  (860): I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump http://tfl.nu/62ek
  Replies (3) Good night (535) Bad night (723)

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