I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.