hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
