Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
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You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
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I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing