she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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