I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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