After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
