so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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