why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
