ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
