I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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