Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
