if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
