There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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