Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
