you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
