do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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