My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
