roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
