I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
