every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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