so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
