im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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