i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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