you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We need a shit load of segways right now
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
