I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
