Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
