Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
