its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
