69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
