were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
