You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
