Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
