your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
