yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize