I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
