So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
