So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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