Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
