she smelled like a LAN party
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
