i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
There's even glitter on my cock...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
