Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
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Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize