Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
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Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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