he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
