She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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