If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
