Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
