I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
