I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
