Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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