Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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