I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
