Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
