You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
