Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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