Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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