There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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