Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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